5 Secrets to StayingIn Love

Just about everyone wants to know how they can make their relationship better. They want to know how they can deepen the commitment and love between each partner. Unfortunately relationships are not something you can provide a "to do" sheet for and all will be solved, but with these five key secrets you can certainly improve your chances for getting all you desire out of your relationship.

Do things unexpectedly.One key secret to a successful relationship is compromise. Meeting halfway on things shows your partner that you really do care about their viewpoint and you are willing to work on making each other happy. Every so often make it a point to do something that you normally would not agree to or feel like doing. When you keep your partner constantly surprised by your actions, you regenerate that "new love" feeling time and time again. So, when your partner asks if you want to try that new restaurant…say yes! If they ask if you want to try a new hobby…say yes!


Show your loyalty.Nothing strengthens a relationship quite like watching your partner go to bat for you, especially against close friends or family members. It shows that you consider your relationship a team. If you harass one member of a team, you harass them all. When you side with other people against your partner you make them feel alienated and the seeds of hidden resentment become planted. You can show loyalty positively as well by bragging about your partner's recent accomplishments to friends and family.


Be supportive.Challenges and opportunities are always going to occur. You can't stop them from happening. Hopefully for both of you the changes in your lives are positive ones. The secret key here is having a supporting and understanding mate in your corner to help you through your ups and downs. If you lose your job, it's quite a bit easier to bounce back when you have someone who's willing to support your choices and any new directions you might want to branch out to. If you want a career or lifestyle change, imagine the difference having someone who will carefully consider and support those changes? When your partner is presenting you with a challenge or an opportunity, treat them the way you'd want to be treated.


Maintain a healthy dose of individuality.Personal time and space are essential to growing individually. Everyone one needs private time to do the things they want to do. It helps refocus attention to the priorities. Sometimes you or your partner may just need time to release emotions from a bad day, instead of bringing it home with them. Learning to respect and notice when your partner needs some individual time shows that you are committed to not only your relationship, but their long-term happiness as well.


Love your partner.Love is obviously a crucial element in a successful long-term relationship. But having love isn't enough. You need to be in love. The phrase "love is a verb, not a noun" certainly applies here. Don't hesitate to write that quick love note, give that deep kiss, sit next to each other at a restaurant or hold hands in public. The little things go a long way towards establishing a deep, intimate connection with your partner. As simple as it sounds, this action is probably the most commonly overlooked and ignored.

New Relationship Dos and Don'ts

The first few weeks of the love game is when one of two things might happen: romance and passion infects you, bonding your hearts forever more, or one of you flops and ruins the chemistry before it has a chance to take hold. Which will it be for you? Heed our tips and make sure your relationship kicks off with a bang.

Conversation

Have normal, get-to-know-you conversations. Talking incessantly about how you feel and how great things are going between the two of you is nothing short of obnoxious. It projects a certain amount of immaturity that repels the good dates and attracts the wrong ones.

Pressure

Pressuring your date to do anything is a big no-no. Once again, it is a sign of relationship immaturity as well as personal immaturity. You could beg your date to go to church with your family on Sunday or argue good reasons to stay the night with you -- the nature of your pressuring doesn't matter. What matters is that you are selfishly disrespecting your date’s boundaries. If a relationship starts off with one person pressing on the other’s limits or preferences, there are bound to be loads of regret by the end of it.

Taking Hints

Pay attention to the clues your date is giving you. They may be inviting more intimacy, they may be trying to show you where their boundaries are, or they may be trying to subtly tell you that you’ve got dragon breath. Either way, you want to know, so pay attention. If you aren’t sure, ask; it is a far better option than making the wrong assumption.

Texts and Phone

CallsRefrain from over-calling/texting to keep things light and friendly. Remember the guidelines for conversation even when texting. The “I miss you” text every day when you only just met is really annoying. Not until you are an “official” couple is it appropriate to text or call to talk about your emotions or anything sexual. Don’t call or text to tell them how nice their butt looked the night before. Save that sort of flattery for when you are in the moment, and even then, use it sparingly because it can easily be construed as trashy and rude. What you should focus on is getting to know the other person and letting them get to know you. Think of it this way… After every message or every phone conversation, the other person is going to mull over it in their mind and might even talk about it with a friend. They will dismantle every word you said and search for more meaning behind the words.

Honesty

Everybody wants to put their best foot forward in a new dating relationship, but don’t pretend to be someone you are not. In turn, watch for warning signs that your date isn’t all they seem to be. Dishonesty, especially misrepresenting themselves, is a big red flag that shouldn’t be ignored. When you do get a clue that there are major differences in areas like spirituality, family, social ethics, or politics, be honest with yourself about the possibility of being truly happy with them. You are looking for a match and so are they.

Gut Instincts

Listen to your gut. If you hear the little alarms going off inside of you, pay attention to them. It is easy to brush your feelings to the side in an effort to fall in love, but when you ignore your instincts over and over again, it gets more difficult to recognize when they are trying to alert you. Most of the time, later on in a relationship or a while after a relationship, one can look back and see the exact time during the first few weeks (many times in the first couple of days) that they had a gut feeling about their date and it turned out to be right.

Judgment

Don’t be too quick to judge. Sometimes it is wise to look at yourself just as critically during a new relationship. For instance, if you are often turned off by how little men spend on you when they take you out, perhaps it is your value system that needs a check-up rather than theirs.

Maintaining Your Self

Don’t drop everything else in your life. It is common, especially for women, to forget about themselves and take on the identity of their partners. That is the consequence of bad past relationships and lack of positive relationship role models. You can prevent losing yourself in a new relationship by keeping the things that matter to you a part of your daily life. Things like journaling, reading, exercising, and spending time with friends and family, all the things that help to keep you a healthy, balanced person, should remain high on your priority list. Make a point to enjoy the same things you normally do, even in the first weeks of a new romance.

Lowering the Bar

Keep your standards high. Don’t talk yourself into being okay with something that you aren’t. Settling is a sure way to get yourself into a miserable relationship. Do you remember the last time you said to yourself, “I should have known when they… ?” If you aren’t sure what your standard is, make a list of all the things you want in a partner. If your date doesn’t fit the bill, don’t waist your precious time.

Planning and Paying

It is a great idea to trade off date planning and date funding. Not to say that it should be a regulated arrangement of every other date or anything, but stepping away from the traditional system of men planning and paying for all dates can be a lot of fun and make it easier to get to know each other. Taking control of the rendezvous enables you to surprise them, impress them, and romance them. In addition, you can learn a lot about them by switching roles.

Alcohol Consumption

The general rule is to stay relatively sober for at least the first month of dating someone. Getting sloshy drunk anytime in those first few weeks is likely to be your kiss of death. They will undoubtedly see you at your worst and redeeming yourself from that is not an easy feat.

Meeting Friends, Family, and the Ex

Ease your new love interest into your social circles. Start off by introducing them to a few select friends, particularly those who help you “screen” prospective mates. An introduction to family members, especially parents, and ex’s, even if they are still a part of your life, shouldn’t happen until you are at least approaching a month of dating. Why? Besides being a little weird and moving too fast, you want to wait because it takes a while to establish comfort levels in social situations. This will give you time to learn to recognize each other’s cues and know enough about each other that an “inner circle" situation isn’t uncomfortable.

Keeping Your Distance

Don’t overwhelm them with attention. Don’t invite yourself over more than once a week, and don’t smother them with physical affection when you are together. You may feel the urge to reach out and touch their sweet face over and over again, but refrain because it is uncomfortable. Men and women often make the mistake of jumping into “couple” behaviors like smooching, holding hands, using terms of endearment, and touching them in sexual ways too soon and scaring off their dates. I will again reiterate that getting to know someone for who they are as an individual should be the focus of a new relationship. Too often, people get caught up in the romance before realizing how little they actually know about their partner.

Skeletons

Everybody has their dirty little secrets, and it wouldn’t be good for you to go telling them to every person you date, but you might want to drop a hint here and there to test the waters. In those first couple of weeks, be as honest as you would like them to be with you. For some couples, after a few dates and things are going well, it could help to discuss the fact that you both have pasts and that you should share them later on down the road. Just make sure that when that one month mark (or comparable milestone) comes around, you let them know some of the details of the skeletons you alluded to. Otherwise, they become secrets that will surely hinder your relationship.

6 ways to end a relationship

Ending a relationship is never easy, even when you’ve truly had enough and you’re ready for freedom. But there are ways to make the deed go as smoothly as possible. If you only remember one thing, let it be this. Break up with others as you would like to be broken up with. Other than that, here are 6 of our best break-up methods.

1. Be honest

Whether he ends up believing you or not, being honest with whomever you’re breaking up with is the best way to go. Tell him why you need to move on and answer any questions he may throw at you as honestly as you can. Think about the times you were dumped with no reason. How did you feel? It probably frustrated you wondering why, when things appeared to be going so well, he decided to end it. Be fair and be honest with him.

2. Pick the right time

Some poor choices include at a party or any other social gathering, in the car or doing a mundane yet domestic task together such as grocery shopping. Chances are, he’ll be caught off guard no matter when you break the bad news, but if you do it in the frozen food section, he may have a much stronger reaction that if you do it at a café or in your neighborhood park. There is never going to be a perfect time to break up with someone, but try to have as much control over the time as you can, rather than blurting it out over brunch with friends.

3. Do it in a public place

This minimizes the chances for chaos. If you’re in a restaurant and there are people around, he will be less likely to fly off the handle and cause a scene. If you’re alone and he freaks out, you might be more likely to cave and call the whole thing off. Being in a public place may give you the confidence you need to follow through. Plus, when it’s over you can just walk away, rather than trying to get him to leave you place.

4. Do it in person

Do not be that person who ends a relationship electronically. Breaking up with someone via text, email or even over the phone is totally disrespectful. Even if you can’t wait to be rid of him, at least have the courage to look him in the eye as you dump him.

5. Make sure you are absolutely ready to do it

Not being totally sure of your feelings when you go to end a relationship can mess with your heart and his. If you’re not completely certain that it’s the right thing to do, you’ll confuse him and make him feel like he still has a chance, or worse, you’ll lose him when you still have feelings for him. Be totally ready to cut the ties or risk more heartache than necessary.

6. Take the high road

Chances are if he doesn’t see it coming, he won’t be happy with being dumped. He will curse at you, call you every name in the book, and make you feel like hauling off and punching him in the face. Restrain yourself. You’re leaving anyway, so just take a deep breath, nod politely and then walk away. You won’t gain anything by goading him on or giving him the satisfaction of knowing he upset you.